Small Talk: Elite Trans Dating apps are bullying their trans women users while protecting their cishet men
THIS IS A FIRSTHAND REPORT! EVERYTHING IN HERE IS OBSERVED WITH YEARS OF BEING UNDERCOVER IN TRANS DATING APPS!!! IT’S NOT ONLY FOR ME, IT’S FOR EVERYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN A DIFFERENT WAY, WITHOUT BEING FORCED TO PUT PERSONAL PHOTOS IN PUBLIC!!!
What is the commonality between MyTranssexualDate.com and TransgenderCupid.com?! Their similar requirements for “realness” are logical and understandable, until they got really offensively radical.
Of course, as a user, you must present yourself as much possibly real as you look. It’s a dating app and the “stallions’ out there, in the 1%, want to see to what extent you are f***able — for one, or two (sex)dates, or maybe to keep you around as a pet for a while. Yeah, we should be thankful that we have our nearly 1% of “trans-oriented” admirers and dating-clone sites! We should be grateful and give them our best shots.
Well, I discover a nice retouching program and use it to add some makeup, hide some little cosmetic flaws, and add a bit of volume to my hair! It’s not like I am “selling” fully edited pictures of me… I even add non-retouched photos, without make-up and haircut so men can see how I look, without a little “girly touch”!
It’s funny because the dating market is not that different than the media and other markets. You are presenting your “product” in the best possible way with some little cosmetic touches and retouches. If we follow that realness policy, we should not buy magazines, watch movies, etc. where PhotoShop or other programs help a little bit, to make the stars look great, or the photo looks glamorous.
So, why we are not allowed to feel a little like a star?
Our lives are made miserable enough by random scums and we deserve to have some happiness. Why not for them to demand one or however you like clear photos and as much as you like edited? To express and present yourself in every image you got — some pics with your “natural” look (without makeup and retouching) and some pics with realistic retouches. Because people who use a lot of minimum retouching, want just to be seen, to have a chance, or maybe they see their inner beauty projected in those images, for whatever reason. The admins should remember that most of the users in their “elite sites” are chasers, who are curious and have issues! I don’t own a 100% clear image of people who kill my sisters because they felt “gay” (yeah, illiteracy and self-hatred impacts don’t have borders) or use them as exotic animals to feed their curiosity.
By the way, people should not be obliged to put their real pictures, at all in public. They can decide if they want that, with who to share it and the lack of the “locking” options is really anti-personal security code and morals. Avatars! Sometimes they said more than any real or “fake” picture!
“But then don’t use them!”! So, you can argue about everything, but we the “trannies” must leave and not stand for ourselves!!! I think that I am doing enough of avoiding cishet dating apps and “competing with” or “erasing” real “womyn”. It’s hard enough that specific trans dating sites allow cis women to enter and to be selected despite their GC sisters always calling for our exclusion from their spaces. You have hundreds of sites where NB, trans women, men, and other LGB people are excluded and bigots and *phobes can mate as much as they want, free of “menace”. “But there are trans women who sneak!” — it’s not my fault and my responsibility! If they want to try their luck— okay, you can try yourself in the trans sites where cis women are included.
So, dear dating apps and site admins, revisit your politics — focus on the elimination of dick pic-profile photos (because they are nasty), and focus on the users, without photos at all! Focus on the trolls who ask your users if they are “gay”, just because they don’t fit their outdated standards! Focus on the overdone photos, which are over-edited and the user can’t say which is real and which is “touched” by the brush! For me — I already said what I am doing and it’s not radical and doesn’t change my facial lines, lips, and nose!
It doesn’t change me drastically, or as a person, and I am more concerned to be appreciated for who I am, than how I look!
Start to treat your customers with some equality, not one of the groups as “criminals” (the trans women) and the other as “innocent”, fragile users (cis men), because it’s DARVO. If I haven’t overdone myself to look a totally different person there is no reason to delete my pictures.
Also, we are taking responsibility for our actions and lies and we are paying the cost… Always!