Blind Hatred’s Easiness

I am a trans woman.

Some of us let their inner knowledge of themselves to prevail and prefer to be just “a woman” in general, not “real”, not “bio”…just a woman. “A woman on our own”, as I love to say. Well, I was criticized by a friend, that I am putting a target on myself, presenting myself as who I am. A trans woman. “You distinguish yourself as “different”, so society will never accept you!”. Actually, who is society? What is society? Isn’t it a mass of people, who rely on their quantities, not their qualities, to smash those who dare to search beyond the ancient norms?

But this essay is not about society!

It’s about blind hatred. Blind hatred from people who had suffered enough, but prefer to forgive their torturers for a while, just to project their misery on a minor group, that exists as long as they exist and didn’t do any actual harm to them, aside from the harm that was infiltrated in these “haters” mind.

These days we are hearing a lot of old same arguments, against people’s right to live as their own, valid and whole selves. I am not the first to count the insults, masked as arguments.

The points of blind hatred.

1. “You will never change your biology. Your genes”.

Well, I can’t change my genes. I don’t even know what information my genes are keeping. Is it “XX” or “XY”. Knowing my luck, it’s going to be “XY”. The rest can be changed. “But you can’t bear children?”. So? Many women can. Why are you dismissing this fact?

Why are you comfortably dismiss many facts like “XY” women, with vaginas? Intersex people?

Because then you must recognize that sex is not a binary. That brain activity is the lead of everything and there in the brain is the real information of who we are. That people are more than biology and your favorite obsession — the genitals and bio sex are limited and they determine as much as we want to determine, whatever we assigned to them. Sex organs are for breeding. Even sex for pleasure is related to the brain, not to genitals.

But, guys, I am totally not here to erase your love for your genitals and your love for your assignation. It’s your thing. Don’t freak out that it’s not applicable to everyone. Don’t forget that we are all different and there are so many things that are not applicable to all of us and we found the way, by outgrowing ourselves, to live with each other.

2. “You don’t have our experience”.

You are not supposed to know what experience do I have. I won’t include biology, because it’s individual as well and I already mentioned that its rules are not applicable to every woman.

So let’s concentrate on the social part. You think that all trans women grew up to be men. Well, many women grew up to be housewives/slaves and mothers, but not all of you are… Some of you transgress the rule, somehow.

So, some trans women are not raised as the typical male. Me for example. I wasn’t forced to be what I don’t fit to be by my parents, unconsciously. Also, I am different physically, and femininity as an addition made my life harder. I was not accepted to the full extent as a male, and at one point I hate the idea to be accepted like that. At one point I was nothing. Just a being.

I have met sexism and patriarchy’s ugly side from a different position. The position of a human being with a flawed appearance. Thanks to the stereotypes that conservatives and gender-critical feminists support, I wasn’t perceived as a standard beauty and normality — I was less than a woman would ever be.

As one woman wrote — our experience of womanhood is different. Individual. It doesn’t determine who we are and how valid are we for real. Because people might go through traumas and be determined by the experience they had, to be called broken, flawed. But actually, we are the one who knows ourselves and we can decide what can determine us.

3.” You want to invade our spaces and to rape us”.

WARNING: The following is my OWN viewpoint and I am distinguishing myself from the other (trans) women, who need to be part of the society’s segregation, to be fine.

I don’t like women sexually. I hate rape and violence, on the other hand. Male’s behavior is something so foreign to me, that I might need a visa to enter into it. Actually, most of us are non-violent and afraid of people. We just want to live our lives in the role that suits us, completely.

I am more radical and prefer not to go where I am not welcomed. I don’t want to use women’s spaces, I want trans women’s spaces. Yes. But our spaces would be inclusive, and if you need to pee, you can use our bathroom without fear. Because predominantly, we are not your man-oppressor/abuser/rapist, neither you- the real one who is so insecure, that needs to grab to her own pussy, to mean something, to be someone. I don’t like this. I don’t want to be like you. Thanks!

I, PERSONALLY, don’t want your restroom, I don’t want your locker room. I DON’T WANT YOUR CHEAP RAPE-FANTASIES PROJECTIONS. I DON’T WANT YOUR SEGREGATION AND HIDDEN SEXISM. I and many as me will find a way to pee, safely, away from your narrow hatred.

4. “You want to erase us”.

That is the most absurdist thing of them all.

Every time I hear it I remember the terror that “my people” experience on a daily basis. The avalanche of lies, the laws of hatred against us, that want us to disappear in the closet or … as they prefer the grave.

Who wants to erase who?

Am I the one who is talking shites against trans women, projected by my own insecurities? Am I the one who suggest inhuman laws to oppress women? Am I the one who is bragging how great I am in my role, with my genitals by presumption, not evidentially? Am I the one who is against you? ARE WE ALL OF THIS?

NO!

I am not the one who pretends that she is a victim and masking myself as “gender-critical”, just to excuse my hatred and insecurities, my lack of strength to accept and get to know. My lack of humanism first, then womanhood, etc. roles. YOU ARE!

So, to talk about erasure, while all you are doing is attacking us constantly is DISHONORABLE and your favorite conservative and sexists tool. You are the one who erases in the name of hate and by doing that you are losing everything all human and good in you.

5. “Gender ideology!”

If our personal lives and struggles are an ideology, then yours are no exception. The conception of society is an ideology. Your own “gender-critical” movement is an ideology.

There is no picking “a new gender”, or “changing sex”. That’s your terminology. Your “transphobia ideology”. Like it or not, we are born as who we are in our majority, we don’t “think”, “feel”, “deceive”, “wannabees”, “deluding” ourselves, that we will change gender. Because we know, our gender. Yeah, it’s different from our sex, but it’s what it is — a struggled, rethought, lived, thousand times, pure knowledge, like your own.

You can devalidate it with cheap bigoted based terms of pseudoscience, but you can change what we are.

The only really harmful ideology that I see these days is the Ideology of Thinking For Yourself as Authority to Other People’s Life and Experiences. Using your own narrow experience, lack of knowledge and prejudice, to compare and judge people, who you don’t even dare to know is a really harmful ideology.

You are just a human.

2. You’ll never be a (real) woman

I am not what you want me to be.

Yes, I will never be a “real” woman in your eyes. Not because of my genitalia or supposed genes! Not because of my suggested male experience.

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE ME, PERCEIVE ME, ACCEPT ME AND LET ME BE A WOMAN! You won’t give me a chance, even when I fight for my womanhood, while it was handed to you the moment they assigned you “a girl” by looking between your legs!

That’s the truth and its roots are buried in the oppressive dirt of misogyny, sexism, violence, fear, and lies… just the top of the rotten pile of views and stereotypes. You are so buried in lies how I will end the world and the segregation, just by buying myself a nice dress and being called “she”.

The sad, ironic part is that this is absurd and if any of you used their brains instead of their vaginas and penises, our life might be less complicated and painful so we can concentrate on real threats, living our own lives, in our own ways.

I am not here to change anyone’s mind or views. I am here to expand them. By putting my small list, just part of the things of hatred, I am clashing daily, I just want you to sit and think about your own self and your own freedom to examine and extend your knowledge about who you are and where are you going. To get used to the fact that we are more than just biology, because if we're not, then we shouldn’t be here writing and defending ourselves, discussing and thinking, making choices and walking our ways through life.

Don’t be simple, because life is not simple, the world is not simple, even your favorite binary is not simple…